Does masturbation have to include orgasm - a debate with myself
A bit of a stream of consciousness debate with myself. Is the advice that orgasm shouldn’t be a focus of masturbation sensible and progressive; or is it a secretly poisonous byproduct of a rarely acknowledged sexual culture in which women have very little actual choice and opportunity for orgasm.
Lady-gasm Equality: We Need A Revolution Not More Communication in Bed
If I hear one more person listen to my message and say back to me something like, “Exactly! It’s all about communications,” I’ll lose my damn mind. That’s not even close to what I’m saying, and the orgasm equality problem is about soooo much more than communication. Let me break it down by flipping the perspective.
Ribbed For Her Pleasure Is Some Next Level Bullshit
The idea of ribbed condoms seem to assume the vagina is like an inside-out penis. It is not. “…unless you're using the condom as a glove to rub her clit, the idea that condoms with some texture on them could improve a woman's ability to orgasm is the biggest bullshit.”
Lady-gasms Are Barely A Thing In Sex, And We All Deal With It In Our Own Way
A love letter to all the ladies (that’s all of us really) out there dealing with how to merge our orgasmic realities with our orgasmic expectations, giving particular focus to what the idea of an orgasm not being important to a woman means in this crazy sexual culture of ours.
Jim Florentine and Louis C.K, or how assumptions about women batter female desire and create creeper men
My long-winded discussion of how the rarity of lady-gasms compared to dude-gasms, and the sexual culture surrounding that, has everything to do with inappropriate, creeper sexual aggression from men to women…and it’s more pervasive than we’d like to admit.
Retro Post: Skeptic Ink Article Critique and the History of The Debate It Led To
I critiqued a 2014 post by Edward Clint at Skeptic Ink because, among other things, he was pitting Freud against the feminists of the 70’s as 2 extreme sides of the “orgasm debate’ which is a real pet peeve of mine. He disagreed with my assessment, and we debated back and forth . This is the OG post along with info about what ensued.
Vintage SSL: Pleasure and "Choosing" to Have an Orgasm
A re-post from 2011 about how realistic it really is to talk about ‘choice’ when it it comes to women’s orgasm in partnered situations
Vintage SSL - The Alternative Universe Orgasm
This is a repost of one of my faves from 2011. Let’s explore a world in which we treated male orgasm as shitty as we treated female orgasm?
How The Stanford Letter Reminds Us Ignorance Of Female Orgasm Easily Becomes Lack Of Sexual Empathy For Women
Using the Brock Turner Stanford rape case as a case in point; I discuss how our ignorance of the physical realities of female arousal and orgasm breed a willingness and a cultural permission to mind-bogglingly conflate a woman’s sexual indifference, displeasure, or pain with a normal, acceptable, arousing and sometimes even orgasmic sexual experience.
Annamarie Jagose Getting to the Bottom of this Whole Orgasm Gap Thing
Annamarie Jagose wrote a killer piece both acknowledging the clear truth that intercourse and lady-gasms don’t align and that it’s insane that we’ve known that for sooo long yet keep ignoring that it’s true. I’m way into this writing.
Dr. Ruth on Johnny Carson in 1982: The Culture of Lady-gasm Hasn't Changed Much :(
I saw Dr. Ruth on a retro airing of 1983 Johnny Carson. 1. She is a badass. 2. She’s saying all the same things we’re hearing from sexperts now, and very little has changed
Teaching Boys to Masturbate the Unintentional Way!
Laying out some of the unintentional teaching about masturbation that goes on in our culture for boys that does not happen in the same way for girls. It’s not an even playing field.
Alana Massey Says 'Meh' And Revolts Orgasm Equality Style!
Alana Massey speaks the raw, real truths about a sexual culture full of ‘meh’ sex for women, bringing in poignant insights about why we are here, why we ignore it, and what it means…and then comment are are mostly so asinine that they prove all her points.
The Modern Sexual Revolution's Coming
on coming together, learning from our foremothers, and really bringing the orgasm equality revolution home
Replying To Comments And Thinking On The Discrepancies Around 'Vaginal Orgasm'
My thoughts about replying to comments people make on my more high profile posts.
Can We Go Beyond Tackling This Problem by Blaming it on Partner Communication?
I’m truly sick of people reading a detailed critique I created about the large cultural problems with the depictions, study of, and understanding of the female orgasm - where I don’t talk at all about partner communication - and write some vaguely positive thing about it that basically just says, “Yeah! She’s right. We should all just communicate better in bed!” I speak on that here.
Hey BBC - The Female Orgasm Is Actually Not A Mystery!
A long detailed critique of a BBC article that asserted some inaccurate things about the female orgasm
Defending the Harder Parts of Science, Sex and the Ladies
I may seem like a bitch that doesn’t believe women, but the possibility that the vaginal orgasm isn’t actual and that women might say they have it when they aren’t actually physically having an orgasm is pretty hard to ignore.
Ponderings About Other's Reactions to Science, Sex and the Ladies
Questions I get: What about love and connection - can you really take that out of the orgasm discussion? Don’t we already know this stuff? Don’t many women value other elements of sex over orgasm? My thoughts.
What the Ladies of Vivid Radio Taught Me
My thoughts after listening to the ladies of Vivid during my 3 free month of Sirius Radio. - “I truly believe that if we ever succeed at really changing female sexual culture for the better, it will not be without the women of porn or against them, it will be beside them”