Maxim And The Oh-So Threatening Vibrator

I guess I'd describe Maxim as Playboy minus nipples and bush with much much smaller articles. Basically, though, it's a popular, sexually charged magazine aimed at men, so I figure I should keep an eye on what info and insinuations it's putting out there. So I was flipping through one (and honestly, you could easily read a whole Maxim cover to cover in under an hour) to see if there was anything about ladygasms that I might be able to SSL review, and after about 4 months of doing this, I finally saw something in the July/August 2013 issue. It was in the Maxim's "The Best of Everything" list under the sex toy catagory.

sex toy - Handcuffs

In between the threatening (vibrators) and terrifying (what's and "anal speculum" anyway?) lies the happy middle ground of handcuffs. They're kinky enough to spice up your sex life and inconspicuous enough to pass off as part of your Halloween costume should your nephew find them. 

So, the insinuation here is that a woman using a vibrator is threatening to her man. It comes from that old idea floating out there in our culture - maybe not in your particular bedroom, but it's definitely rearing it's ugly head out in the world - that real men should give their women orgasms (while she just lays there, I guess). Usually this is associated with the particular ability to use his spectacular cock to skillfully ram her orgasm into her (and I'm sure you know how ridiculous I'd say that possibility is), but you could also associate it with any kind of skill and mastery he has over his lover's body and orgasm. The main idea is that a man should be able bring the orgasm out of his waiting lover, and if that poor helpless lady has to lift one finger to help herself come, well then, her lover ain't much of a man now is he? It ties a man's pride with his lady's orgasm all while being a terribly unhelpful way to think about how women actually get to the orgasm part.

So, I know there is a jokey element to the Maxim quote above, but that doesn't make it harmless. It is a clear reminder that our culture still has negative or confused feelings about non-intercourse or female controlled sexual activity. That quote reminds the women reading it that using a vibrator (or masturbating her own clit - or any of the things she might actually need to do to actually orgasm) will make her man feel inferior. For men who read it, the idea that a woman taking matters into her own hands is a rejection (instead of how it should be seen - as a reality of female sexual satisfaction) is reinforced.

Probably Maxim should go back to what it's been doing the last few months - avoiding any discussion of female sexual response (and photographing actresses from your childhood without most of their clothes).