Lady-gasm Advice for Becca, The Bachelorette
Okay - 2 things.
1. I'm still settling into my new job and my new city and I've not been able to prioritize this blog as much as I'd like still, but I also love the shit out of this blog and have a thousand things I still want to write, so I'm not gonna go long periods without writing on here. Ya gotta stick with this kind of thing if you don't want people to forget about it, amiright? That means I gotta think up and write some things quick-style - but things I think are worth writing to some degree. This is what you'll be seeing here...because I'm in a new city and haven't made any friends outside of work and want to go to a local music show (I don't even really love going to live local music shows that much, but you know - ya gotta meet people) here in about 20 minutes, but Ima gonna get a post up first.
2. A friend convinced me to watch the Bachelorette, and I did. I watched the first episode, and I'm gonna get in on her group chat for the rest of them, because, well, it will be fun.
That's the two things you need to know for background. Here is the 3rd thing that actually has to do with the subject of this blog...lady-gasms.
3. Becca, the current Bachelorette, is living in a mansion with 28...well now only 22 I think, mostly hot dudes. They are scrambling to please her. If this lady does not take advantage of this and have a dude working that clit every night, I'm gonna flip my coffee table. This is the most golden of opportunities.
That arrogant, blonde, date-rape-face model who keeps running his mouth about how hot he is even though he's very much not the hottest dude there? Shut his mouth up by rubbing your vulva against it until you come, Becca. Then send him way and sleep like a queen in your mansion bed.
That guy that dressed up in a chicken suit to meet you so he could be memorable by making the sound Bekaw..bekaw until it turned into Becca? He tries too hard, and you need to capitalize on that and make him work. Get some toys and let him work those out on you. Maybe a vibe in the whole, a vibe on the clit (he's got two hands), and then he better be using that dumb mouth to talk dirty to you. If not, bye chicken.
The dude you love for some reason after he did a cheap-ass trick by rolling up to meet you in a mini-van full of car seats and baby crap. That's weird, and it makes me sad you went all melty about it, Becca. Get your shit together, don't fall for him, but do get a handy from him in that minivan. If he's good with his fingers on the clit...then maybe give him a chance, but just a small chance.
What I'm saying Becca, is that you better live this out right for all of us women who don't get the chance to have 20 sexy men at our beck and call all night. Please. I mean, I've never seen this show before really, but I KNOW the Bachelor makes use of the score of ladies desperate to please him. It's about equality, Becca...and also about just some good ol' gettin' off...but also equality.