5 Minutes to Orgasm Everytime You Make Love - an SSL Review
Hold the phones. I found the book of my dreams. Okay, not the book of my dreams. I have a couple really, but this is a book of my dreams, and honestly, that's a little intensified because it was so unexpected. 5 Minutes to Orgasm Everytime you Make Love by D. Claire Hutchins; it's exactly what I've been scouring the sex advice section of bookstores over the past 14 years for. I found it at a Half Priced Books here in Indy (I do love that place).
Frankly, the title turned me off along with the cover that included a woman with eyes close, face upturned in pleasure. It looked like some gimmicky, bullshit book that was going to go through breathing exercises or something like that so women could relax and really be in the moment - that, they would say will guarantee a quick orgasm every time. I thought it would be ridiculous and irritating, and so of course, I had to read a bit to get the gist.
Turns out, it was what I hoped every other advice book I looked into would be; realistic, to the point, and absolutely correct. I'll sum it up in a couple lines. If you want to orgasm quickly, easily, and reliably when having sex, then get your hand down there, and do it. That's it. If you already masturbate, you know how to do it. Just incorporate that into your sex act. If you don't masturbate, get to learning. Take ownership over your orgasm just like men take ownership over theirs. Stop handing over the responsibility of your orgasm to your partner.
There is, of course, more information in there about how to move in that direction. I will say, too, that it goes along in a self-help-y step by step way that is kind of unnecessary in my opinion, but it's probably more marketable. Plus, it's fine. The content is so right on I couldn't possibly complain...and bonus - it's a super, super quick read, and that's coming from an extremely slow reader like myself. If you are currently able to orgasm during masturbation, but would like to orgasm more frequently or easily during partner sex, this is absolutely the book I would recommend. If you haven't masturbated yet and want to orgasm more frequently or easily during partner sex, then I recommend first to read For Yourself and then pick up this book. That's the only sex advice I will give, and it boils down to know how to masturbate and use it during partnered sexual activity.
That this book and these sentiments are novel, blows my mind. Most women who masturbate can orgasm easily, reliably, and quickly. Yet, we still have this strong cultural storyline of women's orgasms being the "slowcooker." We're supposedly less capable and equip to orgasm, and we supposedly tie our orgasm to emotion more. That's what sexperts, scientists, and cultural lore tells us and what we tell ourselves. We take 30 minutes. Men take 5. Yeah, if you're talking about intercourse, where a man is getting plenty of penile stimulation and a woman is getting little to no clitoral stimulation. It's stupid. Women need clit stimulation to orgasm, men need penile stimulation. Intercourse alone does one of those things very well. If we put all that together, it's easy to see that women could orgasm easily during sex. We just need to think of sex differently and make it happen.
This is not the only book out there that says this, but it is the only book that I've seen made after the early 70's that does. Some feminist books during that time, like The Hite Report, say the same stuff. 5 Minutes to Orgasm was made in 1998, just around the time I was becoming sexually active, but I never saw this book or the books of the early 70's. I, and I'm guessing any other woman who's figured this out in her own sex life, had to come to it on her own through trial, error, and often a supportive partner. That's a damn shame. This is simple stuff, but our cultural understanding of sex has us so confused and mixed up that we can't see it clearly. Reading the reviews of this book on Amazon and Overstock are even more discouraging. Women are very resistant to this kind of advice. There is still a deep, strong feeling out there that women should be able to have fabulous orgasms simply from the act of intercourse, and any other way of achieving orgasm is not real or is lesser in some way. If that's your feeling, then good luck finding that illusive magical secret to orgasming reliably, quickly, and easily during intercourse. Let me know how that turns out.
The books of the 70's and this book, should have changed the way we think about and approach sex in this culture. Yes, they have pushed against that wall, but it hasn't been broken yet. My movie (Science, Sex and the Ladies) will definitely help push, and I hope, hope, hope, something will break - even if it's just a crack.
Thanks D. Claire Hutchins. I will be after you for an interview - so watch out!