1977 Hustler Review Series #6: Lady-catching Ad
Why I'm SSL Reviewing a 1977 Hustler
So there is a fab lady named Jill Hamilton. She made it into the Orgasm Equality Allies List a good while ago for her various writings. She's awesome and she's goddamn funny. She writes the blog In Bed With Married Women, which you will not regret reading, and she's revo-fucking-lucionizing the classic Cosmo Sex Positions lists.
Now here's where Hustler comes in. She had a give away on her blog, and we readers had to comment and tell her what we wanted so she could pick randomly and ship shit out to us. I saw she had a vintage Hustler, and so I asked - nay begged - for it. I promised to SSL Review it cover to cover, and here I am doing just that.
An SSL Review is a critique specifically of discussion and/or depiction of female orgasm and/or female masturbation in media (usually I do this for movies or TV not magazines, though). I particularly pay attention to the realism and scientific accuracy of the depiction/discussion and how it fits within the larger cultural conversation about female orgasm and female sexuality.
Feel free to check out the previous SSL Reviews of the Advice Column, the Porn Movie Reviews, a Bondage article, Kinky Korner erotic story, and Sex Toy Ads.
Today I'll be SSL Reviewing one simple full page ad on how dudes can teach themselves to get themselves a gal.
A Class in Bedding A Lady
Apparently this dude named Dick Whitsom (which is just a bit too strangely close to Dick Whitman, don't you think?) was shy and shitty in bed in his youth, but read a bunch of self-help books to overcome it. He also got an undergraduate and graduate degree in electronics and computer sciences (at 5 different colleges for some reason), and thought the method 'Programmed Instruction' that he used in his courses would work well for teaching men these lady-bedding techniques because of the useful and self paced, 'try, get-immediate-feedback, check and repeat' style. Anyway, this course being advertised in this 1977 Hustler is the result, and aren't you lucky you can read about it here. Enjoy the opening description below.
You can become more successful with women. This course in seduction and lovemaking techniques uses Programmed Instructions, homework assignments and supplementary readings to teach you how to overcome shyness and pick up girls, how to recognize sexually available and high-orgasm women, how to read female body language, how to be a memorable lover and how to use computer logic to program your way to a successful seduction.
Okay, so I'll get back to the "high-orgasm" woman part, which is the only actually SSL Reviewable
(because it depicts/discussedes female orgasm, female masturbation, or the clit) thing in this ad, but I just want to point out a couple other creepy parts first.
Basic Creeper Stuff
So first let me show you the ad's expansion of "How to read female body language"
What subconscious message is she sending when she strokes her hair or crosses her legs? Learn to interpret these nonverbal signals and to know her most intimate feelings, even before she herself is fully aware of them.
Well, she's probably crossing her legs because she wants to shift her body after sitting another way a bit too long, but you know, it could also mean she desperately wants to fuck you, but like doesn't realize it yet...
Ummm, so if this isn't some classic misreading of women to suit your own needs, I don't know what is. It's also got this super awesome element of putting the idea into men's heads that women don't really even know what they really want...that there's a secret code you must crack to get women to do what they don't even realize they want to do...put out. I mean it's a touch of a rapey mentality, but it's pretty common even to this day (I wrote about this recently in relation to some male comedians and inappropriate masturbating).
Secondly, let me also show you the ad's expansion of "How to recognize the sexually available woman"
Would you like to score more often? Would you like to walk into a singles' bar and know which girls are looking for action? In this lesson you learn to recognize five female signals that shout, "Proposition me, I want some loving."
So we're clearly staying with the rapey-ish vibe. I'm oh so curious as to what these signals are that shout out at men to bother the fuck out of women they think 'want it.' I mean, I'm sure they're fool proof.
Bullshit and Scientific Tomfoolery
Okay, but back to the "high orgasm female" - here's the ad's expansion of "How to recognize the high-orgasm woman"
Would you like fantastic bedmates, satisfying lovers and a faithful wife? All these can be yours if you search for and find the high-orgasm woman. Modern science has now provided sufficient data to enable an aware man to recognize a high-orgasm woman.
No science has not - mainly because a 'high orgasm' woman is not an actually scientifically defined thing at all. Granted, you will find plenty of science-y people and writing out there that claim some women can orgasm from vaginal stimulation without additional outer clitoral stimulation. It's quite a common claim even in peer reviewed journal articles and there is much speculation about what is different in these women vs. women who either haven't orgasmed or only orgasm through clitoral/vuvla stimulation. I think many would consider these orgasm-from-only-banging women 'high-orgasm" women. Problem is, women who can orgasm from only vaginal stimulation are merely hypothetical from a scientific standpoint. A woman has literally never been physically observed orgasming in that manner. There's no proof that's even possible except that some women say they can - which unfortunately is not the scientific proof one needs to claim it is actually a thing.
My point is, women orgasm from their clit and men orgasm from their penis. It's pretty simple and intact, healthy people all have pretty similar physical capabilities in that area. Contrary to popular belief there's no physical proof there are different kinds of orgasming women, meaning there are not high-orgasming and low-orgasming "types" of women.
What is true, though, is that women get judged on their orgasm capability for completely unscientific and unfair reasons. A large portion of sexual interaction involves stimulating the penis but focuses on the vagina instead of the clit. Thus lots of women, who are absolutely capable of orgasming with the right type of stimulation, don't even have a chance of coming at all during sex, because the wrong thing is getting touched (well maybe banged is a better word).
So often during a sexual encounter, we ladies have 3 main roadds we could travel. We can either fake and seem like "high-orgasm" women; don't fake and seem like "low-orgasm" women, or take lots of time and energy redirecting partners to do the things we need to orgasm and be deemed any number of things including a bitch, a frigid bitch, a high-maintenance lover, a woman that doesn't 'let go' enough to come vaginally, or on the rare occasion with the rare partner sexy and knowledgeable about her body.
I'd like to say that last one is a common outcome, but it's not. The redirecting of men away from the most common and familiar ways of having sex towards ways that actually are arousing and orgasmic to women is often met with unrecoverable embarrassment, arrogance/ignored, anger, or half-hearted half-assed attempts to do what we want before going right back to doing what they want/are comfortable with. The whole redirecting process often ends up being unarousing or maddening to us which doesn't lend itself to a good sexual experience. It doesn't have to be bad. It could be chill and reasonable, and hot to talk about our needs and wants, but frankly that is often not the environment that is created. So, we all react in whatever way makes sense to us at the time....and then we get deemed high or low orgasming as a result. It's stupid and this idea of seeking out high-orgasm women is stupid, silly, and not all that great for women's sexual experiences in general.
Vulva Rating
Seriously, this idea of a different type of women that is somehow wired differently and can thus orgasm more easily and in more ways is a sick and twisted fantasy that stems from our ignorance of how females orgasm and leads to a lot of unnecessary stress, sadness, and feelings of inferiority in both women and men.
Also, this is just kinda full of creepy advice.
This gets no vulvas
Zero Vulvas