SSL: 1977 Hustler Review Series #4: Kinky Korner

Why I'm SSL Reviewing a 1977 Hustler

So there is a fab lady named Jill Hamilton. She made it into the Orgasm Equality Allies List a good while ago for her various writings. She's awesome and she's goddamn funny. She writes the blog In Bed With Married Women, which you will not regret reading, and she's revo-fucking-lucionizing the classic Cosmo Sex Positions lists.

Now here's where Hustler comes in. She had a give away on her blog, and we readers had to comment and tell her what we wanted so she could pick randomly and ship shit out to us. I saw she had a vintage Hustler, and so I asked - nay begged - for it. I promised to SSL Review it cover to cover, and here I am doing just that.

An SSL Review is a critique specifically of discussion and/or depiction of female orgasm and/or female masturbation in media (usually I do this for movies or TV not magazines, though). I particularly pay attention to the realism and scientific accuracy of the depiction/discussion and how it fits within the larger cultural conversation about female orgasm and female sexuality.

Feel free to check out the previous SSL Reviews of the Advice Column and the Porn Movie Reviews and Bondage article.

"Long-Distance Love" by Diane Newtone in the Kinky Korner section

This is one of those erotic stories one finds in nudey magazines. This one is an absolutely beautiful story about a sex-loving hetero couple (Randy and Diane - this is first person so Diane is the author Diane Newtone ...who is probably some dude that works for Hustler) that move apart due to Randy's new job but still want to keep their sexy love life. They agree that they won't ask each other to be exclusive and will meet up one weekend every couple of months. Something awful crazy happened, though, the first time they talked on the phone after Randy's move. Diane, just out of the shower of course, laid down in her bed to talk on the phone.

"My free hand strayed down to my cunt and, as we talked, I began to masturbate. I came twice , without letting him know what was going on."

You are a naughty young lady, Ms. Diane. It seems his voice was just too sexy to concentrate on anything he said, and uh oh, it happened the next time they were on the phone too.

"I imagined that he was reaching his exploring fingers under my panties, stroking my pubic hair and caressing my throbbing clit. I pulled the panties down over my hips, kicked them off and jammed the vibrator into my dripping slit. I came almost the moment I turned it on...."

 This time, poor dear, her moans let ol' Randy in on her secret. She was so embarrassed, but who would guess? He was soooo into it, and starting jerking as she told him dirty stories about what she would be doing to him.

"I took the vibrator away from my breasts and mouth," 

I mean she was talking about sucking his dick, so she had to put something in her mouth!

"and jammed it into my cunt, imagining Randy's finger squishing in and out of me."

Then dirty ol' randy Randy chimed in with some dirt stories of his own.

"'Your cunt's practically sucking my fingers into it," Randy whispered hoarsely. "I'm reaching farther into you than I ever have before. My thump is on your clit. I'm going to come. I'm coming so fast that it's squirting out the sides of your mouth."

mmmmm - fingers poking abnormally far into her internal organs and so much ejaculate in her mouth it spills out! Diane - you lucky girl you! This really gets her there.

"I flicked the switch on the vibrator and I came too. My back arched and my pelvis started flying faster and faster. Finally I let go of the vibrator so I could grab my tits and squeeze the nipples. My contractions popped the vibrator right out of my cunt."

Her and Randy laughed about her vibrator projectile story. Later, she made her first visit to Randy and they decided they should hook up with other people and then tell each other about it on the phone. They very much enjoyed this, and ended up with some game side-folk who were into doing a 4-some phone sex where couples on either end of the line 69'd while Diane and Randy talked and fantasized it was each others mouths on their junk.

"When the phone rang, Jack and I were already in the 69 position. Jack was sucking gently on my clit, with a thumb in my cunt and an index finger up my ass." 

The ol' 2-finger clit suck. I won't fault a gal for enjoying that! Many more happy adventures to you, Diane!

SSL Review Discussion

Straight away, I like that the clit was mentioned in this article, 3 times to be exact, and that Diane masturbated and Randy was more than okay with that. Positive depictions of female masturbation normalize it, and that's good because we ladies as a whole need to start masturbating more so that we understand how we orgasm.

Her first masturbation seemed to make sense. It's described as her putting her hand down there, and that makes me assume she is just rubbing her outer junk - the clit/vulva area. That's the area, like the penis for the male, that needs stimulated to orgasm, so that is quite realistic. However, the second and 3rd depictions were closer to porn fantasy than reality. 1. She has a vibrator, but she sticks it in her vagina to come?? :/ mmmm I don't know about that. And 2. She comes instantly upon putting the vibrator up there? Really???

As I am always quick to say, I am not opposed to a vibrator up the vag. It can be a lovely and pleasurable thing. It can even, I dare say, get a gal real aroused, like REAL aroused. But, man, I also dare say, a gal's likely gonna need at least a touch to the ol' clit to get her over the edge to that orgasm. Now, although there is no physical evidence in scientific journals of stimulation to something inside the vagina causing orgasm, that doesn't mean a lady can't come while something is inside of her. In fact, she might prefer something in there while the clit is worked. It is also true that the vibration, even when a vibrator is in the vagina, could rumble things just enough to rumble the lips, which rumble against the clit or rumble the clit hood which rumbles against the clit, and there could be a come from that, but let's be honest. It's secondary vibrations, which although great for arousal, is probably not great for coming.

But really the most BS part of these insta-gasms by insertion is that it really does insinuate that the inside of the vagina getting touched is what makes women orgasm. Ol' Diane's 2nd and 3rd orgasms were clearly triggered by the insertion of her vibrator, and a reader might very well assume it's because something inside her vagina needs to be touched to push her over the edge. That straight up doesn't make sense with scientific understanding of female anatomy and doesn't jive with physical orgasm research in peer reviewed scientific article.

The Vulva Rating

So this is a mixed bag. Anytime the the clit is brought up in relation to women orgasming, it's a win because frankly people just don't talk about it very much. Anytime female masturbation is depicted realistically, that is also a win because too often women are depicted as coming from things that wouldn't realistically make a woman come. And there's the rub (that's maybe a pun, I guess). Diane masturbated 2 more time, and they weren't very realistic, kinda porny-fake, and focused on the vagina for orgasmic stimulation instead of the clit. That's bull. The clit is the organ of female orgasmic stimulation just as the penis is for the male.

So, 1 outta 3 is actually not great. I give this a mere 2 1/2 vulva rating.

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