Cosmo October 2018 - The SSL Review
For fun and good times, I picked up a Cosmo a while back that had a bunch of sex stuff on the cover. Actually it wasn't for fun and good times. It was so I could SSL Review it. So, that's what I'm doing so I can finally throw it out (I love to throw things out). It is the October 2017 issue, and it Touts "76 Sex Secrets!" including "Toys That Hit The Spot" "4 Hidden Moan Zones" and "Hot Solo Sex Tricks"
To start out, I'd like to say that I don't know what The Spot is. The only spot that needs hit really is the clit, and all vibrators got that going for them. You just press it on there. Hell even electric tooth brushes can handle that. I think they're just being coy, trying to conjure up in women's minds all the ambiguous, bullshit 'spots' they're supposed to be hitting during sex. It's cheap.
The hidden moans zones, everyone: Your brain, your vulva, your core, and your voice. Outside of the fact that they are calling them 'moan zones' I kinda respect what they did with the content here...except for the coregasm stuff, but we'll get into that.
Hot solo sex trick? Not that hot and not that tricky. It's really just an article about basic masturbation and that you should do it and it's good. I mean, I'm all for it, but let's not go too far with the promises.
Also, I have no idea where the 76 number comes from. I wonder if they counted every single little piece of advice in the 3 article sex-section spread and put that on the cover. I assumed there would be like a big list or something, but there is not...so don't be looking for it.
The Overall
I mean, yes, they talk about masturbation as good. Yes, there's talk of the importance and sensitivity of the clit. But, there's also this focus on a coregasm where you orgasm from ab work, and there's an little blip about boosting your vaginas mood, and there's also talk about masturbating by ramming a dildo into you to stimulate the G-spot. So, in the end, this Cosmo is just like most other sex-positivey women's sex advice...it's a big ol' mix of confusing where a woman gets the same fucked up message she always gets - Orgasms come from everywhere!
They don't. Female orgasms come from the clitoral gland area in the same way that male orgasms come from the penis. There has never been a study in peer reviewed scientific literature that showed stimulation inside the vagina causing a physical orgasm. It's true. So, G-spots, inner clit-legs, cervix stimulation, even core workouts...that shit has NEVER been shown to cause orgasm, yet we talk about these things as much - no more - than we talk about the clit. I swear, if men had advice after advice their whole life in all kinds of media focusing on their balls, perineum, and asshole whenever orgasm was alluded to more than on the penis...dudes would be confused as hell too.
Point is, this article is a mixed review when it comes to its discussion on coming. That means it doesn't have a clear, fact based point of view on female orgasm, which means, frankly it's part of the problem. Talking about correct things like the clit's relation to orgasm and the importance of masturbation is great, but if in the same breath there is discussion about the g-spots relation to orgasm or other non-verified lady-gasm methods, all the good is erased because women still get the sense that they should be orgasming by getting their vag banged or from the many other fake news orgasm methods that we see in porn, movies, books, and TV every day. Women still aren't getting accurate information, and nothing changes.
So that said, here's a list of noted lady-gasm, masturbation, or clit related items in this issue.
They mentioned the CLIT!
- The 2nd of the 4 Moan Zones is the Vulva.
Your outer genitalia needs more love. It's a key erogenous area - home of the clitoris, with some 8,000 nerve endings! - but some women ignore it altogether.
I mean it's not a key erogenous zone. It's the key erogenous zone. Do people describe the penis as a key erogenous zone for men, like it's not the king of male erogenous zones? Anyway, they did mention it, and I agree it needs more love (ALL THE LOVE!). They say women might ignore it largely because a lot of women are uncomfortable with how it looks. Maybe. Or maybe it's because we live in a culture that ignores it and all the sex and orgasms we see in media also ignores it, but it could also be our personal insecurities about our bodies too. That's usually what's wrong with us women, right? We just aren't mentally healthy and in touch with ourselves enough. But, point taken. We should look at our junk like they say. I do think a good hand mirror look is good for all ladies.
Get outta here with yer fuckin' coregasms
- The 3rd Moan Zone is the core. This blurb wasn't really about having strong pelvic-floor muscles (the ones that contract during an orgasm) like I thought it would be. I could have gotten behind that. Instead it was about that IU researchers found that some women have orgasms from core workouts (this is from a survey - no physical tests here...so...). They recommend you engage your lower ab muscles, maybe hanging leg raises or 50-100 crunches will do, and it may exert pressure on your clitoris or contract your pelvic-floor muscles. they also say that even if you don't have an orgasm kissing the lower belly is erotic too!
You know Amy Schumer was on the Joe Rogan podcast when they told her about this study, and she said something I loved. "Okay, why don't I just rub my clit? What?...Like why all the...why all the work?" Indeed. Why are we fussing over a possibility of an orgasm from ab workouts that some women say they have when we could just rub our fucking clits. We don't put dudes through this kind of shit about their orgasms. We just work their penis. Done...maybe add some ball ticklling or a finger up the ass if we want to get fancy, but mostly just work the penis.
Also, I feel like it's all just a little confused.
During sex - especially girl on top or doggie-style - squeeze your ab and pelvic-floor muscles to make your orgasm even stronger, suggests Morse. "This will also create a tighter grip on your partner's penis - an incredible sensation for him."
Why especially during doggie or woman on top? Do they know that during orgasm your pelvic-floor muscles contract and release involuntarily (about 1 every .8 seconds!)? Will voluntarily squeezing the muscles during that time make it better? Do I give a shit if my pussy grip is tight enough while I'm trying to have an orgasm? That's a lot to worry about, people. Can we just rub our clits and let those muscles do what they want to do, please?
They said "The Orgasm Gap"
- It was just in a 'Tips From Good-Sex Pioneers' thing and it was about Alexandra Fine CEO of Dame Products. They said she started the company "on a mission to end the orgasm gap between the sexes," I respect it. I am for anything or anyone trying to shorten that gap, but that's all they had to say about her or really about the nature of her toys.
Masturbation!
- They had a whole spread on masturbation, which I love. They say you should do it, "And why not? Masturbating is a healthy (and, hi, orgasmic) part of your self care."
I'm not gonna disagree Cosmo.
They give some tips (are these the hot solo sex trick?) like *do it while no one is around and *set up a sexy scene when you do it and *check out some porn or erotica - you know real pro tips. But they also suggest
Right before you embark on the main event, touch yourself all over to build tension. "Stroke your feet, brush your hair, or softly run a feather over your skin," says Van Kirk. Doing so may intensify your orgasm.
I'm not so sure how sexy brushing your hair is, but yeah, I'll accept that the more arousal building one can do before orgasm the more intense it could be. That's what orgasms do, they release all the tension and blood congestion brought on by arousal, so the more there is the more there is to release.
No, maybe these are the Hot Solo Sex Tricks -
They list 3 "upgraded positions"
Self Reflection: Kneel in front of a full-length mirror. watching yourself, use your pointer and middle fingertips to make small circles around your clitoris. some women say the 1 O'clock spot (up and to your left) packs the best feels, while others prefer a windshield wiping motion.
Cool with this one. Love it in fact. It's all about the clit and it's detailed.
Super-Hot Soaker: The next time you lather up, put a handheld showerhead into service. directing the stream onto your clitoris. thinking about sexy things - your last hookup, any of the Hemsworths - will make your one woman show worthy of a standing O-vation.
I get it O-vation. Anyway, I'm way down with this too.
Invisible Man: Pop a Dildo on a chair or the floor, kneel above it, and lower yourself onto it while holding it with one hand. Keep your stance wide for insane G-spot stim, or position your knees close for a tighter feel. Even if you don't climax, it will feel damn good to be in total control.
Bitch, why the fuck am I masturbating if I'm not gonna climax. If I wanna sit on a dick, I can find any rando who will let me do that. Please. Also, why does keeping your stance wide help with G-spot stimulation? Also, I totally get that some women like G-spot stimulation. There is an area we call the G-spot in the vagina that butts up against the urethra and the female prostate, and it has been shown to get swollen and be stimulated to ejaculation. I said ejaculation, not orgasm. Two different things that are often mixed up. G-spot stimulation has never been shown to cause orgasm. Some women have been able to ejaculate to it, and some of them like that. The G-spot is not a magical in-the-vagina button that causes orgasms, though. However, when advice or anything like this talks about G-spot stimulation and climaxing or orgasming without being clear about what the G-spot has actually been shown to do (ejaculation for some but never orgasm), then that advice is piling on to the mountain of information given to women thorughout their whole lives that makes it seem like we should all be orgasming from getting fucked, and it just plain is not true. So fuck this masturbation tip. It all would have been fine if they mentioned her stimulating her clit while she bobbed on her chair dildo.
Vibrator List-
Thrusting Action Jack Rabbit - Just like a real dude, it has a natural feeling head and can thrust in and out (at six speeds)
but unlike a real dude, it has vibrating rabbit ears to hit your clit while it's thrusting...
Luvit - The OG inventors released this improved silicone version with five clitoral "ticklers" on the ear.
Exactly. Now we're talking about the right shit.
Ina Wave - The shaft waves back and forth in a come-hither motion that's excellent for hitting your G-spot at an orgasmic pace.
First off - Did I not just go over that it's irresponsible to say that G-spot can be hit at an orgasmic pace, because stimulating the G-Spot has never been shown to cause orgasms...only ejaculations. Secondly, This has a vibrating part that stimulates the clit while the other part is inside as well. I think we're not talking about that enough. Thirdly, if the writers had their shit together and were talking about this G-spot stimulation correctly as ejaculation inducing instead of orgasm inducing, then the come-hither motion would make sense. That is often said to be a good way to elicit ejaculation from G-spot stim.
Nova - The super flexible bunny ear can bend against your body for seamless clitoral contact.
Good. All these damn bunny-ear-style vibrators should have seamless clit contact. That's how a bitch comes.
Sex Q&A-
What's a fun way to use a foam roller in bed?
Okay, fair enough sex question. They say it can prop up the lower back for oral - so he gets a better angle on the lady junk. I'm down with that. Also they say you can use it to
prop up your booty in missionary by positioning it under your lower back, suggests sex coach Amy Levine. This angle means you'll feel him extra deep against your g-spot, and the rolling motion it allows will make his thrusting smoother.
We're back talking about the G-spot again, like it's some amazing orgasmic thing to hit. They didn't say it would cause orgasm in this quote at least, but the insinuation was there. Also, I don't think they know where the G-spot is. It's not deep at all. It's inside towards the stomach only a few inches. A curved index finger can reach it...You don't need a dick in there extra deep to hit the G-spot for some possible ejaculation time...in fact you don't need a dick at all. A finger probably works better.
Vulva Rating
Even though i respect some of the advice, the bad advice erases it, and I so expect more from a magazine that's for women. They need to get Ms. Jill Hamilton, who's writing the online cosmo sex positions to do the actual print stuff too. She knows what's up.
This Magazine gets 1 1/2 vulvas out of 5
(!)(!