Random Male Hite Report #20
Hello, friends. It's time for another Random Hite Report! In 1976, Shere Hite dropped The Hite Report where she compiled detailed survey answers from over 3,000 women about sex, masturbation, orgasms, and relationships. It's insane to me how revolutionary this book still is. Read it, seriously. We really haven't changed that much in 40 years, and it's an incredibly insightful read.
Then in 1981, she dropped The Hite Report on Male Sexuality where over 7,000 men give detailed answers about sex, relationships, and women. It too is revolutionary, and the honesty, vulnerability, and detail in this book is so important and moving. I think everyone should read this too. So, I give you a taste every now and then to entice you to get these books. Seriously, they are both like 1 cent online.
Anyway, what I do is flip to one random page and copy the contents of that page, no more-no less, directly onto this blog. Enjoy.
The Hite Report on Male Sexuality
Knopf, 1981 pg 441
The following page is in the section called 'Relationships With Women' in a chapter called Portraits of Marriage.
"...would have to guess at it, but some of the relationships were as often as three or four times a week and sometimes with two different women at the same rate.
"Since my present marriage, which is happy as I think one could be, I have had intercourse with my former second wife on two occasions, with a former bed partner who was probably the most sexually desirable woman I ever bedded, and the other one was a girl that for years I wanted to bed and when the opportunity came about eighteen months ago I did so, but was so conscience-stricken I did not go back when I could have. I think it is not too likely I will stray much again, although I think part of this is due to age rather than any great amount of honesty on my part.
"I do not think these affairs in the past had any effect on my marriages - I was conscious of none. They have had none in this marriage and she does not know about them. I think she would break my neck if she did."
"I am married and have been for two years. Most of the time I enjoy the married life, but there are times when I would sooner be single again. I think most married couples feel this way from time to time, but it would take a hell of a lot to make me leave my wife. I like to think I am married because I love my wife and want to spend the rest of my life with her. I got married out of loneliness, I guess. I did not want to be alone and my wife was the only person who seemed to fill the lonely space in my life. In many ways sex with my wife has become routine. I don't like it, but my wife seems to be happy with it, or at least she never indicates a change is needed. So to get the change, the spice I need, I have taken to finding casual lovers.
"Complete monogamy, to me, is only in the thoughts of idealists in our society. One man or woman spending the rest of their life being totally with only one person is not possible. I don't think one person can give another person everything they want or need. I know my wife cannot give me everything I need and I know I can't give my wife everything she wants. True, there are a lot of couples who say they are completely happy, but I'll bet that this is just talk to many of them. Of course it would make life a lot easier if everybody could find one person who could take care of all their wants and needs, but I am afraid life just isn't like that.
"My extramarital experiences were not of the open marriage type. If my wife ever asks me about them i will tell her truthfully, even try to explain to her why I had them even though i am sure she will not understand. But, until she asks, I will not bring them up because it would hurt her and I do not want to hurt her, ever.
"It may be guilt, it may be something else, but after each one of the extra sex experiences I have had, I seem to be more in love with my wife. Or maybe it's that I can bear up for a little longer without imposing my will on my wife - since she does not seem to need sex or intercourse as often as I do. In a way, I guess. my casual affairs outside marriage are holding my marriage together. These affairs of mine have had little effect on sex with my wife. When she does show some interest, I am more than happy to make love with her, but until she does show interest I have my affairs.
"In the beginning, I was very much in love with her. We worked together..."