Jane the Virgin Season 3 Ep 3 - The SSL Review

***I know it's been a while. I have been working on stuff though - promise. The truth is, I'm part way through about 3 Scientific Journal Article Summaries. I started with one and then keep getting pulled into a rabbit hole when it cites another article that I think I should summarize first, and frankly, I need to just get on with it, but have not yet. I'm also working on my first co-authored journal article summary, which is very close to being done. I have the rewrite back from my partner, and I just need to finish. There are a ton of rabbit holes in this too distracting me that I could climb deep into, but I'm trying to keep focused. I just need to finish it up. Anyway, I feel pretty bad it's been so long since a post, so even though I have these others I could finish up and post, the time to finish them feel daunting right now. So, I feel like putting up a quick TV Show Review would lighten my head, and make me feel less worried...and hopefully more focused on just spending the time I need on these article reviews. So that's the story about me (also, although I don't feel like I have enough time for writing, I definitely have a lot of time for consuming media, which I only feel very slightly bad about). 

Jane the Virgin

I love me a fun, light show for when I'm doing things, and Jane the Virgin has been recommended to me a couple times. I honestly, saw something years ago that I thought in my head was Jane the Virgin, but now I know it could not have been. I don't know what that show was. I am now on the back side of season 3 for this show, and I do enjoy it. It's like a telenovela, with telenovelas in it, and also other genres poured in. It's drama and sweet and I like many of the characters, and honestly (and strangely maybe for this genre), I think it has a more responsible portrayal of relationships and gender and love and boundaries than I almost ever see on TV. Granted there are exceptions, but overall I respect that aspect of the show quite a bit. 

Okay, there actually is a fair amount of things to unpack in this show about female sexuality and religion and expectations, etc., but that's not what I do. There is really only 1 episode so far that specifically discusses orgasm. I'll just say, it's not up to my standards, but there is a level of realism and heart that puts it squarely on on the good side of basic shit you would see about ladygasm on TV. Honestly, I feel like if this wasn't network television it would have doubled down on some specifics, like including the clit. I imagine it simply couldn't outright say some things, but I believe there were insinuations that make me believe the intent for progressive clit-based sex depictions were there. I just read this Vox article about this episode, and I think thought it was sweet and delved into some of the more emotional aspects of the show and episode.  

An SSL Review (for those that don't know about them)

Only depiction or discussion of female orgasm and/or female masturbation and/or the clit and/or cunnilingus are eligible for SSL Review. Nothing else counts, including plain 'ol sex if it doesn't include anything listed above. I specifically critique the realism (for instance, were the physical things happening to that women while she orgasmed things that could realistically cause orgasm for a woman?) and also speak on what the depiction/discussion reflects from and adds to the larger cultural discussion around lady-gasms and female sexuality.

You can see all the SSL TV Reviews HERE (and as always you can find all the movie SSL Reviews HERE).

The Ladygasm Scenes

This history and the sex

You may need some background here. Jane is indeed a virgin up until this episode. She did have a virgin birth, and I'll let you see how that all goes down, but this episode is about the first time she has sex with her husband. I won't say who that husband is. You'll have to watch. What I can say is that in the series so far, it is clear that Jane 'does other things.' There's a narrator in the series and at one point in an earlier episode Jane writes an erotic letter to a boyfriend. We don't hear the contents, but the narrator says something to the effect of,  "Jane may be a virgin, but she's not a saint." We see her making out heavy laying in bed and stuff, but we don't actually get a clear idea up to this point about what exactly she's doing (a little oral? handies? clothes buringing?).

So Jane and...we'll just call him 'Guy' in case you don't want spoilers...have sex in her bed. We see them making out and taking layers off and laying down. Guy asks if she's nervous. She says 'a little,' and he tells her he wants it to be good for her to which she replies that it will be perfect because it's with him. 

They say they love each other, and the narrator says he can't show what happens, and instead we see a cartoon version of the two in a rocket ship that bust out through the roof of the house and flies around joyfully. 

We cut back and they are done and naked under a sheet, laying next to each other and looking up at the ceiling. Guy says, "Wow, you and me finishing at the same time. About as a good a time as I could have wanted. How do you feel?" She says, "Good. I feel good. I'm a little thirsty though. Do you want some water." She goes to get water and sees herself in the window. We know she's feeling a tinge weird - disappointed is way too strong of a word, but it's something about the reality of her feelings and the expectation related to the aftermath of this moment she's waited so long for. Outside of the orgasm part we'll get to, I like that the show is gentle and thoughtful with her feelings about this.

But about the orgasm...

She's at work the next day talking to her BFF Lina. She's telling her she finally did it, and Lina says:

Lina:...how was the sex?

Jane: Good...It was good.

Lina: (noticing Janes demeanor) Oh, no. What happened?

Jane: (breathing deeply) Okay, I'm gonna tell you something, but you cannot tell anyone.

Lina: Obviously. Go.

Jane: I faked my orgasm.

Lina: What! Why would you do that?

Jane: I don't know. I panicked. I could tell that he was about to...finish...and he was trying not to, and I knew it was going to take me a while...

Lina: Oh this is bad.

Jane: I know.

Lina: Faking orgasms are for nights when you need to get some rando out of your apartment, not for the guy you're supposed to have sex with for the rest of your life.

Jane: I know! I'm gonna tell him what happened, explain...

Lina: No, no, no. Stop. You cannot tell.

But she does tell...

So later, Jane and Guy are home, He's interested in having more sex, and she's trying to stall. She says they have about 20 minutes until the baby wakes up. 

Guy: Perfect. I'll just do exactly what I did the last time. (they kiss some more)

Jane: uh...wait...(they're kissing some more). Hey, so maybe we don't do exactly the same thing as last time..

Guy: What do you mean? Why?

Jane: Well, we can try something different, for variety.

Guy: There's no time. 20 minutes. We gotta be efficient.

Jane: 'Guy', wait...but I faked it.

Guy: What?

Jane: My Orgasm.

Guy: Wh-why-why would you do that?

Jane: I got nervous and I wanted it to be perfect, and I saw that you were finishing.

Guy: (sitting down on the bed) Wow.

Jane: I know. I'm sorry.

Guy: Have you faked it before when we did...other things?

Jane: (very seriously) No. Definitely not.

Guy: Okay, well, we'll just start with the other things then. 

Jane: Thank you.

From there we see a downward shot of Jan laying face up on the bed. Clearly Guy is down below her waist doing something. My best guess is the insinuation is oral, but it could be just hand stuff. Either way, he's clearly focusing on her genitals while she's laying calmly. However, she gets into her head pretty quick and can't get there. 18 minutes later she tells him she doesn't think it will happen because she's too much in her head now, and he comes up and lays next to her.

She tries more sexy...

Later she tries to spice things up a bit by waiting for Guy on the bed with lingerie and some "Sexy and Wild Gel - with extra stimulation tinglers to enhance pleasure."

However we quickly see that when she puts some on, it burns like wasabi. She is fucked up for the whole night, but they talk. He tells her it was a nice idea, and then he asks her not to tell people details about their sex. He says he thinks they should work this glitch out privately. She says yes.

She tries the orgasm doesn't matter approach...

Later Jane gets in bed with Guy and she starts kissing him.

Jane: So...I just ..I don't want you to worry tonight. This is about our love, you know? Who cares about the rest? (starts kissing him again)

Guy: (looks perplexed) What? What do you mean?

Jane: Just that the most important thing is our connection and intimacy and... (Guy sighs) What's wrong?

Guy: I'm just bummed that you think having sex with me is so bad that you've given up any hope of having an orgasm.

Jane: No, no, no. That's not what I meant. I just didn't want to pressure you. I want us to get out of our heads.

Guy: Well...now I'm in my head.

Jane: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I can talk dirty.

Guy: Maybe we should just relax.

She can't say shit about it, though...

The next day she's again talking with her BFF Lina:

Lina: You guys should just bite the bullet and try porn.

Jane: Forget I told you. The sex is good, and I've had orgasms since.

Lina: You're lying.

Jane: No I'm not. (then gets a call)

But she does talk to her other BFF...

Later Jane is having a heart to heart with her mom. There's a gentle conversation about Jane's emotions related to losing her virginity after it was such a part of her identity for so long, and I really do love how the show acknowledges and approached that. At one point Jane asks her mom about Guy,

Jane: ...but what if we're not compatible?

Mom: It hasn't been great?

Jane: We're not really talking about it with other people.

Mom: Ah. Got it. Okay, so you know this has nothing to do with you. But, with sex, it can take time to find your groove, and figure out what you like, and what you need. You're just starting out. You'll get there. 

Jane and he man get down to the nitty gritty about this...

Jane heads home to Guy, and finds he's looking at the video of their first time (it was an accidental video that, ya know, caused some other unrelated drama). She thinks he's resorted to porn at first. She texts Lina, and Lina says - 'Use it! Join in!' So, Jane heads in the room.

Jane: I'm down to give porn a chance. (sees the video) That's not porn. It's us!

Guy: Yeah, Lina asked for a play by play. I wasn't gonna give her that, but I realized it could maybe help me figure out where it went wrong. (Jan looks at him with a smile as he starts looking at the video and wanting to get into details.)

Guy: So...there. That was good, right?

Jane: Oh yeah. Yeah, I really liked that.

Guy: Was that moan real?

Jane: Definitely. (looking at it longer, then pointing) And, I liked that.

After a little more like that, they are turned on and start making out. We again see the cartoon of the rocket busting out of the house, but it's longer this time and they go all around the world and wave at people and stuff.

It cuts back to them in the same position they were in after the first time, but they both seem more engaged and smiley and they high five.

The SSL Review

I'm gonna do this Bullet Point style with the thing that can be gleaned about lady gasm from this episode and the what I think about it.

• That even with someone you love, and even if you've been waiting a long time for it, and even if you are a mature lady, you very well might not have an orgasm your first time having intercourse

• I mean, yes. I think just that simple thing is a useful point to put out into the world especially for the probably very female and very young audience. If this were more progressive, someone should have just straight out said that clit/vulva play is what is needed for orgasms, like penis play is needed for male orgasm, and that it's backwards to think of intercourse as some special, new orgasm unlock (For Real). In fact, intercourse just plain isn't good for orgasms and most women don't ever come with a dick inside them. But it wasn't that direct or progressive, and I can understand that given this is a Network show

• That women do fake orgasms and that it's not unusual or crazy for a woman to just kind of fake an orgasm even in a loving situation just because she doesn't know exactly what to do...but that it's not a great idea with someone you want to have a real sexual relationship with 

  • I love that when Lina tells Jane that faking is for randos and not for long term partners that there is both a casual, accepting recognition that faking is something that happens and also that it is not helpful for having a good sex life. I also appreciate how Jane explains why she did it. There's a reality to it that the show doesn't unpack in detail, but I at least appreciate the realism. The truth is that there is an expectation that intercourse is orgasmic for women in and of itself - in fact it's held on a pedestal as the most important and best type of orgasm. It's just plain not, though, and many women hit that reality like a brick wall suddenly when they have intercourse the first time. So, it's really disorienting and confusing and sometimes (probably a lot of the time) the feeling that one needs to embody her expectation  wins out over acting on her reality. 

• That a man's ego can be bruised if they can't 'give' their woman an orgasm during intercourse, but it's not helpful to keep it from him or for him to be stubborn about it. Actually working specifically together as a couple to find out what works and what doesn't is what can get that lady-gasm.

  • It was hard for Jane to tell him and for Guy to acknowledge and work on it despite his hurt, but nothing would change if they didn't. I do wish there were some more specific things said relating to Jane needing clitoral stimulation during the intercourse, but I think that just couldn't fly on Network TV. I like that their initial first discussions on how to work through this issue indicated that the non-intercourse stuff they had done prior to intercourse did cause orgasm for her (I think most would assume oral and manual stuff - especially from the depiction of Jane laying back for him to do it for her). This is 100% a sensible lesson to give viewers because although intercourse is shit for lady-gasms, stimulating the outer clit/vuvla is fab. So, although the specific aren't there at the end, it could be inferred, and that's not perfect, but better than most depiction.

• That taking the possibility of lady-gasm out of the equation during sex and assuming that closeness and love is enough to sustain the sex life...is maybe a big cop out.

• I liked this scene a lot because frankly even very progressive advice will just drift past the need for orgasm and say that the other parts of sex, including intimacy and love can be enough. Listen, I'm not saying they aren't important, and I'm not saying that a person engaging in sex for only those reasons is silly or wrong, but I am saying that there is a larger problem with the situation. I think there needs to be a clear recognition that way too much emphasis is put on the idea of orgasm not being important to sex for women (this isn't how it's discussed for men) because there is a refusal to admit that intercourse is shitty for lady-gasm. So, instead of critiquing a culture that ignores this truth and does little to break the pattern of hetero sexual interactions that stimulate the male organ of pleasure (the penis) but not the female organ of pleasure (the clit/vulva), we just keep pushing the idea that it's fine if you have sex where your male partner gets intimacy, love, arousal and orgasm; but you as a female only get the first 3. Like, we keep telling women (and we women in turn keep telling ourselves) to just accept that this is the way of things even though it doesn't have to be. If you choose to not orgasm during sex, that's fine, but for most women, most of the time, it's not really a choice. It's just how things are, and that's bullshit, so I like that Guy pushed back on her about that old (and actually really contemporary as well) trope.

• That you just need to talk about what you want and need and intercourse will become orgasmic.

• I think in the end one might look at this, at her mom's advice coupled with the lack of detail about what made the 2nd time better than the first, and see two people who just had to have a little experience and then intercourse would become orgasmic. This is a classic idea. In a way, it's true that communication is very important, but it's not true that intercourse - on it's own - will suddenly just become orgasmic for a woman. Intercourse, as is, is vaginal canal stimulation, which has never been shown in all of scientific literature to cause orgasm. Orgasm can certainly happen during it due to outer vulva/clit stimulation, and maybe that can be unintentional sometimes, but it's more likely that there needs to be some intentional work on the outer lady parts to make that orgasm happen. I think the intention from the subtle clues in this episode were to insinuate that Jane and Guy incorporated the kinds of clitoral/vulva stimulation that they had found successful in their past experiences. However, there are such incorrect ideas out there about intercourse -as is- being as orgasmic for females as it is for males, that I don't think most viewers will get that subtlety and will assume that intercourse (but just, like, magically different in a way or something) was what made Jane come this time. So, I wish this show could have explicitly mentioned clitoral stimulation needs during intercourse, but it couldn't or didn't, and that's my only real criticism.

The Vulva Rating

I am pretty bothered by the lack of specifics that would help me make a clearer case that this show was telling viewers about the need for clitoral stimulation during intercourse. It unfortunately, I think, gives intercourse -as is- hype as a lady-gasm giver, and that's bad for orgasm equality. However, there were so many other discussions and depiction in this episode that insinuated thoughtful and realistic ideas about lady-gasm, that I can't be mad. I also think that there is a strong case for this show intending to not insinuate intercourse -as is- should be expected to cause orgasm. 

I can not give it a great rating, but I can give it a bit higher than I should. I'm giving this a 4 out of 5 vulva rating.

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